I am so loved

Dear single mama,

I want you to know that I see you. I've thought about you for a long time. I've prayed for you. I've wondered numerous times how you do it--how you make it through each day, how you stay joyful, how you get the energy to get things done.

Last week I was you. My husband was in Texas from Wednesday-Sunday. I know, you must be thinking, "That's only 5 days, Mandi. You don't get it." You know what? I don't. I hardly got a glimpse into your life. But what I do know is that you have ALL of my respect & admiration. You are strong and selfless.

Honestly, I don't know how you do it.

Josh was so sweet and had a surprise for me before he left. He sent an email to a bunch of ladies to see if anyone would be willing to take some time to spend with me and the kids while he was in Texas. Come time find out, every day I had anywhere between 1-3 friends make time for me. He knows that I find joy from being around people. It was the sweetest gesture.

On a side-note, I'd like to thank each friend who helped me survive:

Rebecca, you are a gem. You sat on the couch next to me and just listened to my problems. You played with my kids. You cleaned my apartment while I put the kids to bed. You were selfless with your time and could have been spending it with your husband. I'm so thankful for you. You're so kind. It may have not been a big deal to you for serving me the way you did, but it meant so much. I was exhausted and drained and you eased my night.

Rachael, I treasure you. You are one of my closest friends in Massachusetts and I love you. I looked forward to you staying the night for two weeks. As soon as Abigail saw you, her jaw dropped. She loves you so much. Thursday was a looooooong day--playground, Target (cha-CHING), Chipotle (my mouth is watering right now.....), and a trip to the grocery store in the storm. Even you buckling Abigail into the carseat made me so grateful. You carrying her into the store because it was pouring rain while I scooped Jack up and booked it so we didn't get drenched made me so grateful. You helping me keep one child calm while I gave the other medicine to help with the sniffles and cough made me so grateful. You listening to me made me so grateful. Your life right now is not the easiest, but you still made time to be with me and show me that I matter to you. I'm so, so thankful for you.

Suze, you are a special lady. I hardly know you, but you always seem to make an effort to get to know me. I feel like I never have time. I can't seem to balance getting out of the house with the kids to see friends and get house work done. Somehow you manage it. I'm thankful that you met me and treated us to a morning at the indoor playground. I'm thankful that you make time to get to know me. I'm thankful that you somehow slip God into every conversation. I'm thankful that you care so much for people.

Carie, you are so mindful. Friday morning was the best morning I had in a very long time. I'm thankful for you coming over to my apartment with breakfast (from scratch!) in hand. Thank you for coming over to allow me to have "me" time--time to shower, pray, read, journal, and EAT IN PEACE.  I'm thankful for your generosity and kindness. I felt so refreshed (probs because I took a shower!) after you left. I'm thankful that you made time for me that early in the morning when you have two kids of your own and a husband at home. You were my very first friend here, and I'm so blessed by your friendship.

Brenna, you are so sweet. I had just been thinking about how we never get to see each other (like, ever) and then Josh told me how you wanted to spend time with us. There is something so special about you. We've hardly been around each other, but when I think about you, I think about how joyful you are, which makes me joyful! I am thankful for the way you care for people. You are so attentive, and that really matters to me. You ask so many questions--questions that show you are paying attention and care about their well-being. It means so much that you listen. You're going to make an incredible pastor's wife. The way you and Nick raise those boys is incredible to say the least. I love the way you include Jesus in your every-day life--the way you correct and discipline your kids with a Gospel-centered approach. I'm thankful for the way you love your husband. I can tell by the way you talk about him. I seriously love you and value our friendship.

Ashley, you are wonderful. I was not surprised to see your name on my hang-out list from Josh. You are one of the most hospitable people I've ever met. And of course, dinner was made from scratch. Typical you. :) I'm thankful for your generosity and kindness. I'm thankful for the way you love your husband and little girl. I'm thankful that we are neighbors and I can borrow eggs, oil, milk, and pie plates from you at any given time. ;) Your parents did such a great job raising you. I appreciate you so much.

Lindsay, you are one of a kind. I've never met anybody like you. Aside from the fact that you are Taylor Swift's #1 fan (no, seriously), you are every bit crazy. I love it! Of course you wanted to take me and the kids to an entirely different state just to go shopping. UM, YES?! And of course you wanted to go into Starbucks before we even went shopping. You are so sweet. I'm so thankful that you offered to carry my burly 6 month old boy around on top of your newly pregnant belly. I'm thankful that you put my needs before your own and let me decide where we should go so that my kids would be comfortable all day. I'm thankful that you talk to me as if we've been friends for 20 years. I'm thankful that you have such a compassionate and empathetic heart. I'm thankful for who you are. I'm thankful for how you love people.

Yun Mi, you are amazing. I know you don't feel like you helped me much, but let's face it: Anyone who is pregnant & nauseous and holds one of my children the entire church service while I wrangle the other one up is amazing. Jack loves you. Abigail too! Actually, Abigail has a slight crush on your husband. I'm thankful that you took the time to be with me and help me get my children in and out of the car. I'm so thankful that you let Abs sit on your lap while you were trying to eat. I'm thankful that you paid for our lunch. Small things like this matter to me. They show me how personable and kind you are. You are so sweet and will make a fantastic mommy.

Josh, you are incredible. I love you. You put so much thought into this. You knew that I would feel so loved by doing this. I'm so thankful for a husband who cares for me, even when he's not here. I didn't realize how many diapers I changed until you left. I also didn't realize how annoying taking out the trash (full of diapers!) is when it is cold, dark, and rainy. I didn't realize how much of a help you were until you left. Waking up in the mornings to feed two children and myself was not the easiest. There is so much more I could say, but just know that I cherish you--and so do the kids. Every morning Abigail would wake up asking for you. And Jack, well....he didn't notice you were really gone, but when he woke up the next morning, his face lit up so big that I may have seen through his dimple. :)

All this to say, this weekend I was incredibly grateful. My heart is full. And I don't mean that like cheesy Christian jargon. I really, really mean it. The morning Carie came over and gave me time to spend alone with the Lord was so special. Josh and I have been going through 1John individually and I happened to be in chapter 3:11-24 for the morning. I'd been reading by the sections so I could focus more in depth, rather than looking at the whole picture. Anyway, as I kept reading, I got to verse 18 and just stopped:

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." 

It hit me like a rock when I read that. All I could do was continue to thank God for loving me. I felt it. I could feel His love for me through my friends. Every one of them stopped what they were doing and had something planned for me and the kids. They could have just done their daily routine and not worried about me, but they didn't. They loved me in action. They didn't just say they care about our friendship, they showed me. God's love is the greatest gift. If you keep reading, chapter 4 says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." -1 John 4:7-12

Maybe you're thinking this isn't a big deal. "So what if you have friends who help you out while your husband is gone for a few days. I am a single mom and have no help." I want you to know that you are loved and cared about. You are doing a phenomenal job. People underestimate stay at home mothers, but I value them. I value YOU. You are so important to your child[ren]'s development & growth. Stay strong and don't give up. You are showing them true love--putting their needs before your own.

If you are a single mom, it never hurts to reach out and ask for help. You need time to rest and have a peaceful mind. I want to be there for you. Even if you're in Florida, I can still make time to talk to you over the phone.

I almost bailed on a few friends because I was a little overwhelmed with having to be somewhere with someone the majority of the week. I'm so glad I didn't because the Lord showed me how much He loves me, and how much my friends do too.

So if I could challenge you in any way, love in deed and in truth, rather than in word or talk. I didn't realize how much of an impact this past week would have on me, and for that I am so so grateful. Go spend time with someone and show them how much they are loved!

Happy Birthday, Sweetums.

Today is my baby girl's birthday.

She's two. TWO. t-w-o.

What?! {cue the tears.}

The past two years have been the most incredible two years of my life. Josh & I found out we were expecting a little baby just six months after being married. Ya know, I've always wanted to be a mommy. Kids have always been a passion of mine--exactly why I got my degree in teaching! Josh and I had talked about kids once we got married and wanted them sooner rather than later, but 6 months was NOT in the plan. Anyway, a few months of pregnancy went by and we found out our baby was going to be a girl. We instantly knew she would be named Abigail. The name sort of just came to me, so we looked up the meaning: "the father's joy," "brings us joy." Done. That was her name. Every day, we prayed and prayed for her. We prayed for her to be such a gift to this world. That she would bring so much joy to the people around her that they would see the Light in her. We prayed for love and compassion. We prayed for grace and patience. It's funny how you pray for something and not fully understand it until the prayer has been answered. You know what I mean? I didn't know how it would be like to be a mother. I didn't know how it was going to be to raise a child of my very own?! But then she came. Our precious little girl came at 7:37 PM with the most beautiful cry I'd ever seen. As soon as they handed her to me and placed her on my chest, I started laughing. Not the usual experience for new moms? I have no idea what was so funny. {Sometimes when I'm nervous I laugh. Like, uncontrollably.} But this was a peaceful laugh. I just could not believe this was my life! I kept staring at her and smiling. Josh was so gentle with her. He cuddled her up in her striped blanket and handed her over to me with a soft kiss on those swollen red lips of hers.

As the months went by we couldn't help but thank God for such a joyful gift. She is such a happy little girl. When I see her (which is every waking second of the day *swipes hand across forehead*), that's the word engrained in my brain: joy. Well, sometimes I do admit that the word to describe her is "disaster." When that girl doesn't get what she wants, all hell breaks loose. She has a rhythm to her tantrums:

step 1: run to the couch (or the ground if the couch is not in sight)
step 2: run INTO the couch
step 3: scream NOOOOOO!!!
step 4: toss 3-4 fingers in mouth and stick other hand on top
side note: did you just try that on your own to figure out what she looks like? If so, I succeeded!)
step 5: scream, while fake crying, "MICKEY MOUSE CWUB HOUZ!!! DADDY. MOMMY. JACK. MOMMMMYYYYYY!!!! AHHH!!"

I am not even kidding you.
I do admit I have watched her {many times} and just laughed. How could you not? That's the most absurd thing ever.
She's definitely a girl though! She's a woman who knows what she wants. ;)

Speaking of Abigail's antics....these are some of the things that go through our toddler's mind daily:
1. I want juice.
2. I WANT JUICE.
3. Never mind. I want chocolate milk now.
4. Where'd Mickey Mouse go?
5. Ummm I want nuts.
6. How long do I need to stay asleep until I can sneak into mommy & daddy's room?
7. Is there any way I can take this pencil and write in daddy's school books while he's not in the room?
8. Can we sing Wheels on the Bus 47 more times please?
9. Vegitables are the devil.
10. I want to find anything dangerous in the house and go play with it.
11. I love coloring the furniture!
12. Perfect. A juice box. I'm going to squirt this all over my third outfit of the day.
13. Where's mommy?
14. Where. is. mommy?
15. SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS SHE?
16. Oh, good. There's mommy. I thought she was gone forever.
17. I want to go outside.
18. I want to go outside but I don't want to get dressed.
19. Was that an airplane?
20. I see a tooth brush. I see the toilet. Let's play.
21. Oh great. Fingernail polish and Jack go well together too!

The girl is a nut.

She is super super fun. If you've spent just 10 minutes with her, you know how special she is.

My little girl.

Anyway, I thought I'd write a little letter to my baby girl: {few days before birthday}

Abs,

I love you more than you will ever know. In fact, I love you so much that I actually have tears rolling down my cheeks right now as I think about you. Right now you are asleep in bed (but not for long, because you prefer mommy and daddy's bed!) as you have had a sugar crash from the Coke float you sucked down at your birthday party. You are cuddled up so tightly against the wall (with no blanket or pillow because you hate them!) and are sleeping with your mouth wide open. Your little front teeth are poking out from under your top lip. You're most likely dreaming about Mickey Mouse Club House or Jack because you talk about those things in your sleep a LOT. Sometimes when you are sleeping you snore and your little nostrils flair. Your breath is awful. But it's you. I love these quirky little things about you.

I promise I love you while you're awake too! :)

I cannot believe that you are two years old. Oh gosh, I'm crying again. You went from a very needy and dependent infant to a very talkative and independent little girl. Ever since day one, you became more and more independent. You went from only knowing mommy's presence and completely relying on me, to rolling over, to sitting up, to eating baby food, to pulling up, to standing, to walking, to talking, and now to coloring, running, playing with friends. As the days go by, I am watching you become your own little person. It puts the biggest smile on my face to know that you enjoy your little life. Your smile is contagious. And your laugh, ohhh that laugh. My favorite part about your laugh is when your eyes get so small and your eyelashes flicker so fast as you tilt your head back at a 90 degree angle. :) I love when you have conversations with yourself: "I wanna go eat breakfast. No? Okay. I don't think so." I love when you belly laugh at Donald Duck. I love when you kiss Jack when he wakes up every morning. I love when you pray. I love when you pretend to be mad and then laugh. I love how you want to be with me all day. I love how you give me eskimo kisses and then tell me it tickles. I love the way you cross your ankles when you are in your high chair. I love the way you move your thumb when you're concentrating. I love how you love being around people. I love how you get so excited when daddy walks in the door. I love how when daddy leaves, you ask to go to the window to watch him leave.

Being a mommy for only two years, I've learned so many things about the Lord. I've learned how to be patient. I've learned how to be gentle. I've learned how to be loving. I've learned how to be generous. I've learned how to be full of grace. I've learned how to be humble. I'm reminded daily how important it is to be in the Word so that daddy and I can raise you and your brother up with the Truth. I've learned that if I am not disciplined, you won't be either. I've learned that if I am not patient, loving, kind, etc., you won't be either. You teach me so many things every day, and I'm so thankful for that.

You're a treasure. And I can't wait to see the little lady you're going to be. But if I'm being honest, I'm fine with you staying two forever.

You're so, SO special.

I love these little faces.

Happy Birthday, sweet pea. You're mama's #1 girl.

Love you always, love you more,

Mommy