I am so loved

Dear single mama,

I want you to know that I see you. I've thought about you for a long time. I've prayed for you. I've wondered numerous times how you do it--how you make it through each day, how you stay joyful, how you get the energy to get things done.

Last week I was you. My husband was in Texas from Wednesday-Sunday. I know, you must be thinking, "That's only 5 days, Mandi. You don't get it." You know what? I don't. I hardly got a glimpse into your life. But what I do know is that you have ALL of my respect & admiration. You are strong and selfless.

Honestly, I don't know how you do it.

Josh was so sweet and had a surprise for me before he left. He sent an email to a bunch of ladies to see if anyone would be willing to take some time to spend with me and the kids while he was in Texas. Come time find out, every day I had anywhere between 1-3 friends make time for me. He knows that I find joy from being around people. It was the sweetest gesture.

On a side-note, I'd like to thank each friend who helped me survive:

Rebecca, you are a gem. You sat on the couch next to me and just listened to my problems. You played with my kids. You cleaned my apartment while I put the kids to bed. You were selfless with your time and could have been spending it with your husband. I'm so thankful for you. You're so kind. It may have not been a big deal to you for serving me the way you did, but it meant so much. I was exhausted and drained and you eased my night.

Rachael, I treasure you. You are one of my closest friends in Massachusetts and I love you. I looked forward to you staying the night for two weeks. As soon as Abigail saw you, her jaw dropped. She loves you so much. Thursday was a looooooong day--playground, Target (cha-CHING), Chipotle (my mouth is watering right now.....), and a trip to the grocery store in the storm. Even you buckling Abigail into the carseat made me so grateful. You carrying her into the store because it was pouring rain while I scooped Jack up and booked it so we didn't get drenched made me so grateful. You helping me keep one child calm while I gave the other medicine to help with the sniffles and cough made me so grateful. You listening to me made me so grateful. Your life right now is not the easiest, but you still made time to be with me and show me that I matter to you. I'm so, so thankful for you.

Suze, you are a special lady. I hardly know you, but you always seem to make an effort to get to know me. I feel like I never have time. I can't seem to balance getting out of the house with the kids to see friends and get house work done. Somehow you manage it. I'm thankful that you met me and treated us to a morning at the indoor playground. I'm thankful that you make time to get to know me. I'm thankful that you somehow slip God into every conversation. I'm thankful that you care so much for people.

Carie, you are so mindful. Friday morning was the best morning I had in a very long time. I'm thankful for you coming over to my apartment with breakfast (from scratch!) in hand. Thank you for coming over to allow me to have "me" time--time to shower, pray, read, journal, and EAT IN PEACE.  I'm thankful for your generosity and kindness. I felt so refreshed (probs because I took a shower!) after you left. I'm thankful that you made time for me that early in the morning when you have two kids of your own and a husband at home. You were my very first friend here, and I'm so blessed by your friendship.

Brenna, you are so sweet. I had just been thinking about how we never get to see each other (like, ever) and then Josh told me how you wanted to spend time with us. There is something so special about you. We've hardly been around each other, but when I think about you, I think about how joyful you are, which makes me joyful! I am thankful for the way you care for people. You are so attentive, and that really matters to me. You ask so many questions--questions that show you are paying attention and care about their well-being. It means so much that you listen. You're going to make an incredible pastor's wife. The way you and Nick raise those boys is incredible to say the least. I love the way you include Jesus in your every-day life--the way you correct and discipline your kids with a Gospel-centered approach. I'm thankful for the way you love your husband. I can tell by the way you talk about him. I seriously love you and value our friendship.

Ashley, you are wonderful. I was not surprised to see your name on my hang-out list from Josh. You are one of the most hospitable people I've ever met. And of course, dinner was made from scratch. Typical you. :) I'm thankful for your generosity and kindness. I'm thankful for the way you love your husband and little girl. I'm thankful that we are neighbors and I can borrow eggs, oil, milk, and pie plates from you at any given time. ;) Your parents did such a great job raising you. I appreciate you so much.

Lindsay, you are one of a kind. I've never met anybody like you. Aside from the fact that you are Taylor Swift's #1 fan (no, seriously), you are every bit crazy. I love it! Of course you wanted to take me and the kids to an entirely different state just to go shopping. UM, YES?! And of course you wanted to go into Starbucks before we even went shopping. You are so sweet. I'm so thankful that you offered to carry my burly 6 month old boy around on top of your newly pregnant belly. I'm thankful that you put my needs before your own and let me decide where we should go so that my kids would be comfortable all day. I'm thankful that you talk to me as if we've been friends for 20 years. I'm thankful that you have such a compassionate and empathetic heart. I'm thankful for who you are. I'm thankful for how you love people.

Yun Mi, you are amazing. I know you don't feel like you helped me much, but let's face it: Anyone who is pregnant & nauseous and holds one of my children the entire church service while I wrangle the other one up is amazing. Jack loves you. Abigail too! Actually, Abigail has a slight crush on your husband. I'm thankful that you took the time to be with me and help me get my children in and out of the car. I'm so thankful that you let Abs sit on your lap while you were trying to eat. I'm thankful that you paid for our lunch. Small things like this matter to me. They show me how personable and kind you are. You are so sweet and will make a fantastic mommy.

Josh, you are incredible. I love you. You put so much thought into this. You knew that I would feel so loved by doing this. I'm so thankful for a husband who cares for me, even when he's not here. I didn't realize how many diapers I changed until you left. I also didn't realize how annoying taking out the trash (full of diapers!) is when it is cold, dark, and rainy. I didn't realize how much of a help you were until you left. Waking up in the mornings to feed two children and myself was not the easiest. There is so much more I could say, but just know that I cherish you--and so do the kids. Every morning Abigail would wake up asking for you. And Jack, well....he didn't notice you were really gone, but when he woke up the next morning, his face lit up so big that I may have seen through his dimple. :)

All this to say, this weekend I was incredibly grateful. My heart is full. And I don't mean that like cheesy Christian jargon. I really, really mean it. The morning Carie came over and gave me time to spend alone with the Lord was so special. Josh and I have been going through 1John individually and I happened to be in chapter 3:11-24 for the morning. I'd been reading by the sections so I could focus more in depth, rather than looking at the whole picture. Anyway, as I kept reading, I got to verse 18 and just stopped:

"Little children, let us not love in word or talk but in deed and in truth." 

It hit me like a rock when I read that. All I could do was continue to thank God for loving me. I felt it. I could feel His love for me through my friends. Every one of them stopped what they were doing and had something planned for me and the kids. They could have just done their daily routine and not worried about me, but they didn't. They loved me in action. They didn't just say they care about our friendship, they showed me. God's love is the greatest gift. If you keep reading, chapter 4 says, "Beloved, let us love one another, for love is from God, and whoever loves has been born of God and knows God. In this the love of God was made manifest among us, that God sent his only Son into the world, so that we might live through him. In this is love, not that we have loved God but that he loved us and sent his Son to be the propitiation for our sins. Beloved, if God so loved us, we also ought to love one another. No one has ever seen God; if we love one another, God abides in us and his love is perfected in us." -1 John 4:7-12

Maybe you're thinking this isn't a big deal. "So what if you have friends who help you out while your husband is gone for a few days. I am a single mom and have no help." I want you to know that you are loved and cared about. You are doing a phenomenal job. People underestimate stay at home mothers, but I value them. I value YOU. You are so important to your child[ren]'s development & growth. Stay strong and don't give up. You are showing them true love--putting their needs before your own.

If you are a single mom, it never hurts to reach out and ask for help. You need time to rest and have a peaceful mind. I want to be there for you. Even if you're in Florida, I can still make time to talk to you over the phone.

I almost bailed on a few friends because I was a little overwhelmed with having to be somewhere with someone the majority of the week. I'm so glad I didn't because the Lord showed me how much He loves me, and how much my friends do too.

So if I could challenge you in any way, love in deed and in truth, rather than in word or talk. I didn't realize how much of an impact this past week would have on me, and for that I am so so grateful. Go spend time with someone and show them how much they are loved!

Happy Birthday, Sweetums.

Today is my baby girl's birthday.

She's two. TWO. t-w-o.

What?! {cue the tears.}

The past two years have been the most incredible two years of my life. Josh & I found out we were expecting a little baby just six months after being married. Ya know, I've always wanted to be a mommy. Kids have always been a passion of mine--exactly why I got my degree in teaching! Josh and I had talked about kids once we got married and wanted them sooner rather than later, but 6 months was NOT in the plan. Anyway, a few months of pregnancy went by and we found out our baby was going to be a girl. We instantly knew she would be named Abigail. The name sort of just came to me, so we looked up the meaning: "the father's joy," "brings us joy." Done. That was her name. Every day, we prayed and prayed for her. We prayed for her to be such a gift to this world. That she would bring so much joy to the people around her that they would see the Light in her. We prayed for love and compassion. We prayed for grace and patience. It's funny how you pray for something and not fully understand it until the prayer has been answered. You know what I mean? I didn't know how it would be like to be a mother. I didn't know how it was going to be to raise a child of my very own?! But then she came. Our precious little girl came at 7:37 PM with the most beautiful cry I'd ever seen. As soon as they handed her to me and placed her on my chest, I started laughing. Not the usual experience for new moms? I have no idea what was so funny. {Sometimes when I'm nervous I laugh. Like, uncontrollably.} But this was a peaceful laugh. I just could not believe this was my life! I kept staring at her and smiling. Josh was so gentle with her. He cuddled her up in her striped blanket and handed her over to me with a soft kiss on those swollen red lips of hers.

As the months went by we couldn't help but thank God for such a joyful gift. She is such a happy little girl. When I see her (which is every waking second of the day *swipes hand across forehead*), that's the word engrained in my brain: joy. Well, sometimes I do admit that the word to describe her is "disaster." When that girl doesn't get what she wants, all hell breaks loose. She has a rhythm to her tantrums:

step 1: run to the couch (or the ground if the couch is not in sight)
step 2: run INTO the couch
step 3: scream NOOOOOO!!!
step 4: toss 3-4 fingers in mouth and stick other hand on top
side note: did you just try that on your own to figure out what she looks like? If so, I succeeded!)
step 5: scream, while fake crying, "MICKEY MOUSE CWUB HOUZ!!! DADDY. MOMMY. JACK. MOMMMMYYYYYY!!!! AHHH!!"

I am not even kidding you.
I do admit I have watched her {many times} and just laughed. How could you not? That's the most absurd thing ever.
She's definitely a girl though! She's a woman who knows what she wants. ;)

Speaking of Abigail's antics....these are some of the things that go through our toddler's mind daily:
1. I want juice.
2. I WANT JUICE.
3. Never mind. I want chocolate milk now.
4. Where'd Mickey Mouse go?
5. Ummm I want nuts.
6. How long do I need to stay asleep until I can sneak into mommy & daddy's room?
7. Is there any way I can take this pencil and write in daddy's school books while he's not in the room?
8. Can we sing Wheels on the Bus 47 more times please?
9. Vegitables are the devil.
10. I want to find anything dangerous in the house and go play with it.
11. I love coloring the furniture!
12. Perfect. A juice box. I'm going to squirt this all over my third outfit of the day.
13. Where's mommy?
14. Where. is. mommy?
15. SERIOUSLY, WHERE IS SHE?
16. Oh, good. There's mommy. I thought she was gone forever.
17. I want to go outside.
18. I want to go outside but I don't want to get dressed.
19. Was that an airplane?
20. I see a tooth brush. I see the toilet. Let's play.
21. Oh great. Fingernail polish and Jack go well together too!

The girl is a nut.

She is super super fun. If you've spent just 10 minutes with her, you know how special she is.

My little girl.

Anyway, I thought I'd write a little letter to my baby girl: {few days before birthday}

Abs,

I love you more than you will ever know. In fact, I love you so much that I actually have tears rolling down my cheeks right now as I think about you. Right now you are asleep in bed (but not for long, because you prefer mommy and daddy's bed!) as you have had a sugar crash from the Coke float you sucked down at your birthday party. You are cuddled up so tightly against the wall (with no blanket or pillow because you hate them!) and are sleeping with your mouth wide open. Your little front teeth are poking out from under your top lip. You're most likely dreaming about Mickey Mouse Club House or Jack because you talk about those things in your sleep a LOT. Sometimes when you are sleeping you snore and your little nostrils flair. Your breath is awful. But it's you. I love these quirky little things about you.

I promise I love you while you're awake too! :)

I cannot believe that you are two years old. Oh gosh, I'm crying again. You went from a very needy and dependent infant to a very talkative and independent little girl. Ever since day one, you became more and more independent. You went from only knowing mommy's presence and completely relying on me, to rolling over, to sitting up, to eating baby food, to pulling up, to standing, to walking, to talking, and now to coloring, running, playing with friends. As the days go by, I am watching you become your own little person. It puts the biggest smile on my face to know that you enjoy your little life. Your smile is contagious. And your laugh, ohhh that laugh. My favorite part about your laugh is when your eyes get so small and your eyelashes flicker so fast as you tilt your head back at a 90 degree angle. :) I love when you have conversations with yourself: "I wanna go eat breakfast. No? Okay. I don't think so." I love when you belly laugh at Donald Duck. I love when you kiss Jack when he wakes up every morning. I love when you pray. I love when you pretend to be mad and then laugh. I love how you want to be with me all day. I love how you give me eskimo kisses and then tell me it tickles. I love the way you cross your ankles when you are in your high chair. I love the way you move your thumb when you're concentrating. I love how you love being around people. I love how you get so excited when daddy walks in the door. I love how when daddy leaves, you ask to go to the window to watch him leave.

Being a mommy for only two years, I've learned so many things about the Lord. I've learned how to be patient. I've learned how to be gentle. I've learned how to be loving. I've learned how to be generous. I've learned how to be full of grace. I've learned how to be humble. I'm reminded daily how important it is to be in the Word so that daddy and I can raise you and your brother up with the Truth. I've learned that if I am not disciplined, you won't be either. I've learned that if I am not patient, loving, kind, etc., you won't be either. You teach me so many things every day, and I'm so thankful for that.

You're a treasure. And I can't wait to see the little lady you're going to be. But if I'm being honest, I'm fine with you staying two forever.

You're so, SO special.

I love these little faces.

Happy Birthday, sweet pea. You're mama's #1 girl.

Love you always, love you more,

Mommy

Psalm 73: Be Near

It's been a while.

I've been debating what to write about. Having two kids limits me to when I can blog. Being a stay-at-home-mama is hard. It's so much fun. It's so rewarding. But...it's hard. I love it so much. But let's face it: When you spend your days trying to distinguish your toddler's jumbled language while shooshing your newborn, you go a little stir crazy. By the time Josh walks in the door, all I want to do is blabber my entire day so I can actually speak to an adult. For all you SAHMs, you know what I'm talkin 'bout.

Example:
Abigail: "Mom. hep peas."
Me: "What'd you say, baby?" (But actually thinking, '...what?')
Abigail: "Mom. hep peas!!!"
....she was asking for HELP PLEASE.

So I always have so many things running through my head: how to discipline my little girl, how to get the kids on the same schedule, when to find time to start cooking, being good wife, being a good mother, being a good daughter & sister, how to be a good Christ-follower, how to find time to spend reading & praying, and the list goes on...and on...and on and onnnnnnn. And that's why I am overwhelmed so much. I can usually push through it. But lately it's been a bit of a struggle. Twice this past week I've just cried. And I'm just gonna be real with you. I cry sometimes. I cry because I just want to have it all together and I feel like there's always something I'm not doing right. I know, I know. It happens to everyone. And believe me, Josh encourages me more than anyone. But, it's still hard sometimes.

So I thought about writing a blog on discipline for Abigail. Not HOW to discipline (because I'm learning that every.single.day), but just needing help. How to discipline in a loving way that Abigail understands. But instead, I'm gonna write about my morning:

I woke up at 8:15, baked some seriously gooey cinnamon rolls (drooling yet?!), Abs was watching Aladin, and then Josh took Jack so I could have "me-time" to read & pray. So that was sweet. Love you, Josh. I wasn't sure what to read, so I decided to just read a psalm and really pick it apart.

Psalm 73:
And I'll be honest. The first 24 verses I was like, "What in the world am I reading?" I wanted to give up reading it, which sounds a bit silly, ya know? But then I got to verse 25 and I was like YES. This is SO good.

"Whom have I in heaven but YOU?

And there is nothing on earth that I desire BESIDES YOU.

My flesh and my heart may fail,

but God is the strength of my heart

and my portion FOREVER.

For behold, those who are far from you

shall perish;

you put an end to everyone who is unfaithful to you.

But for me it is good to be near God;

I have made the Lord God my refuge,

that I may tell of all your works."

Life is busy. Life is messy. Life is hard...but what I realized today was that in the midst of chaos, there is one thing that remains: God. Things on earth are temporary. They don't last. He does. He's the Everylasting God.

And for me? Although I am a stay-at-home-mama (and LOVE it!!), I have dreams. I dream of being a photographer. I dream of being a crafter. I dream of having money, not for unnecessary things, but for things to help me with my dreams. Right now we're just at a place where those dreams are on hold. But it's okay. I've learned to be okay with it. It sounds a little silly, right? Those dreams of mine seem so small. But it's who I am. I love to craft & I love to take pictures. When the kids are napping (as if that's ever at the same time), that's what I want to do. But then the house becomes extremely messy...and then house chores get put on hold....and then I feel like a bad wife...so then I try to justify it by saying that's my "alone time."

It's easy to get so wrapped up in "stuff"... Stuff that brings happiness for a little bit of time. But that's when it becomes an idol.

I don't think it's wrong to have dreams! I don't think it's wrong to want to have a hobby. BUT I do think that I could be spending my time wiser. I could be doing exactly what this Scripture says, and I'd end up being much more satisfied. Why? Look at verse 28: "But for me it is good to be near God; I have made the Lord God my refuge, that I may tell of all your works." 

If I spent more time in prayer, more time in the Word, more time with the Lord, if I make Him my dwelling place, my refuge, I would actually be able to testify to what He is doing in my life, rather than see what He is doing in others' lives. It's not healthy to live that way. I always love hearing what God is doing around me, but then wish I knew what He was doing in ME. That's the problem--not knowing, and I've found the solution in 2 words: Be Near.

So....If you're up for a challenge: Spend more time with God. Know HIM. Don't just know about Him. The closer you are with Him, the more you begin to look like Him. That's what I want. More than being a photographer. More than a crafter. Those are temporary desires. Make Him your refuge. Go to Him first before anyone else. You'll begin understanding what He's doing in your own life.

Happy Monday. Or Tuesday. Whatever day it is.

Anniversary

The Third-Year Insider:

Yesterday we celebrated our third anniversary. Eek! So many things have happened in the past three years: 2 (incredibly beautiful) babies, a move to Massachusetts, and so much more.

Josh turned the Pandora radio station on Josh Kelley (<-- click link) as I was about to go to sleep (the night before our anni) and the very first song that came on was our first dance from the wedding. So he made me get out of the bed, turn the light on, and dance. We danced, y'all. We don't dance. Eva. We're not dancers. But it was so sweet. It was our song. We had to. So we did. And I boo-hood the whole 4 minutes and 44 seconds. It instantly drew memories to mind of our life over the last 3 years of marriage, but especially 5 years of being together. The way God turned my life around completely and made me a new creation, the way He used Josh to get my attention, the way He has provided for us day in and day out, the way He has given us two wonderful children, the way He has made Himself known in only ways He can.

Being home in Florida has been so wonderful. Josh & I's parents live 5 minutes apart. So the morning of our anni, we dropped the kids (still so weird to say) and my little sister off at Gammy's house (Josh's mama). We headed to the beach...all....alone....with no kids?!?! It didn't feel right...but it was much needed. And seriously, Holy bazooka hot sun. We were out there for 1 hour and 19 minutes (who's counting?) and my. legs. are. fried. The sun was reflecting off of the sparkling white sand and clear water (jealous?!) into my eyeballs.  I need sun glasses. You could cook an egg on my retinas. After the beach we got some lunch, picked the kids up (still just as weird saying as 42 seconds ago), and swam in the pool at my parents house. Then we got ready for dinner and went out to a cute little shack on the water called Dewey's. That's where we went on our first date. Our whole dinner we just talked about all of the memories this restaurant brought us. We also talked about the things we look forward to in ministry. I get so happy thinking about a year from now and what we'll be doing. We have no idea where we'll be or what we'll be doing, but we do know that we'll go where we are called and serve God as a family. If someone told me in high school that this is what my life looked like at 25 years old, I'd think they were psychotic. Ministry? I didn't even know what that was. 'rAnd now that's where my heart is at. I wanna serve people for the rest of my life. 

So here's a questionnaire we thought we'd fill out and give you a little glimpse in the life of the Pools. 

1. What are three things he/she can't live without?

M: He can't live without iTunes (New-release Tuesday is a must), Dr. Pepper (disgusting), or cashews. Seriously? Cashews are so boring. 

J: Hmmm...not really a struggle here. 1. Target (#ihavebullseyenightmares) 2. Coke (she drinks it even when we are doing a 'no-soda' diet) 3. Casy Dowling (BFF is an understatement)

2. What are his/her love languages?

M: Josh is an acts-of-service-kinda-guy. We've got in many "tussles" over this before. The way he serves me is NOT the way that I serve him, and we end up expecting the other to show love the same way we show love. To him, washing the dishes (because we don't have a dishwasher.........) means he loves me. And to me? That just means one more chore is checked off the list. But I sure do love that I don't have to do them ;) I think words of affirmation is a close second. I have to make sure I affirm him in the things he does, although if I had as many talents as he does, it would be clear that he's doing a good job. He's an incredible writer, musician, preacher, and scholar. 

J: My lady loves giving gifts and receiving gifts. Receiving a gift from her has a different meaning than it used to. They symbolize thought and effort to her. I know I've been on her mind when something shows up in the mail for me. And quite honestly, the vice versa is true too. I have recently learned to navigate the Old Navy and Forever 21 (#shivers) websites because I know she enjoys gift surprises. I'll also add that she loves small things that take time, like written letters or cards. So I guess words of affirmation is a second love language, but it is written words of affirmation. 

3. Favorite traditions?

M: I love when happy hour rolls around at Sonic (between 2-5 in case you're interested) and we stop what we're doing to take a family-drive 30 minutes just for a soda that is half off. Sometimes we don't even want a soda, but the drive is just fun every time. :) 

J: Chipotle. Barbacoa burrito with black beans, white rice, cheese, and a side of guac. Steak tacos with cheese, lettuce, and sour cream, and their homemade salad dressing on the side. Bag of chips with hot sauce. Coke and Pibb Extra. Non-negotiable (almost) weekly tradition in the Pool family. Once it started breaking our bank, we began to curb our addiction...I mean 'tradition.'

4. Child-rearing philosophy?

M: Although our children are still small, our oldest, at a whopping 20 months, has learned the fabulous word, "No!" I want her to always understand that when she is doing something wrong, we are going to correct her and discipline her accordingly. I always tell her I love her immediately after the discipline. Our kids need to know that although they will disappoint us, we will always love them. 

J: A lot of this is still in the theory phase for me. I simply want God-fearing, serve-other-people kids. My constant prayer is that Abigail (nickname: Duz) and Jack (nickname: Brick) will be about others. Sometimes this seems far-fetched when Abs is screaming for a ball or for Mickey Mouse Clubhouse. But I seriously would love to see selfless kids in my home one day. What it means is that my child-rearing philosophy has to a be parent-exemplifying philosophy. Through God's work in our marriage and family, I have to be selfless toward Mandi and the kids. This is the tough work that a long day and cranky attitude can often thwart. But God's grace!

5. Any phobias or fears?

M: My biggest fear is dying in a car accident. Not just me, anyone around me. I always say, "drive safe" when someone leaves to go somewhere. 

J: Hate even thinking about it: being buried alive. Awful.

6. What's your favorite look on one another?

M: I love a good pair of jeans with a plain V-neck T-shirt and some sneakers...with his faded black (it looks blue now) FSU hat #gonoles...and a sports watch.

J: Well, when I first met Mandi it was at a restaurant (Crab Trap in Destin...love that place to this day). She was a hostess; hostesses had to wear a t-shirt and khaki shorts. Forever my favorite. I will say there can be a light modification: a nice shirt (called a blouse I think?) and shorts (jeans or khakis acceptable) with cute sandals. She wore something like on our anniversary. It was money :)

7. The other's godliest traits?

M: Josh is so gentle, just like his dad. He's caring and so generous. He puts me before himself in every situation. (Especially when I'm pregnant...which is like...always) His life's desire is to glorify God. 

J: Compassion. Always has been there. Compassion=tender-hearted and soft. Its a deeper kind of loveliness and broken-heartedness that she has. Wonderful.

8. Favorite things about the other?

M: He's SUCH a man of integrity. He holds fast to what is right. The way he respects his authority is admirable. Even if he doesn't necessarily like something, if his authority says so, he does it. I  love the crease in his face when he smiles. I love the way he plays with the kids. I love that if he's been gone all day and then his friends want to get together, he stays home so that he can spend time with us. I love him, no matter his depleting hair line.... 

J: (1) Mandi likes good music. Its pretty fun when we're on a road trip or even an errand run. She finds the oldies station and start making up dance moves on the spot. (2) She is seriously, undoubtedly, remarkably, unbelievably a good momma. Something I can just watch is her relationship with Abigail and Jack. She does a great job at loving them, laughing at and with them (more Abs here than Jack...he's still in the blubber goo-goo gaa-gaa stage), consistently disciplining Abs, etc. She really does a great job. (3) The smile. Her grandma talks about the twinkle in her eyes and its true. Her smile is a full-face one. Its beautiful. (4) She keeps up with her friends. Mandi has this thing, this ability, to stay connected to people in simply, lighthearted ways as well as deeper and more fundamental ways. Its something she is teaching me.

9. Least favorite thing?

M: Josh is an extremely focused person. He's not the...best... multi-tasker. Sometimes I ramble (I'm sure that's what his least favorite thing is) and he doesn't know how to do two things at once. If he's on the phone with someone and I ask him to ask them something before hanging up, he usually doesn't, because he couldn't hear me and the other person at the same time. To me, it's simple. So it's hard for me to understand why it's so difficult. 

J: Towels. Mandi, if we're being honest, has an innate ability to leave towels around the house. I can understand why two towels are needed (one for hair, one for body), but there are some days I find towels in like every room of the house haha. But, all things considered, I can usually just mention it and get over it.

10. Quirks?

M: Josh...ugh. He HAS to drink a few swigs of water before bed every. single. night. I love water. Like, love...but sometimes we'll be right about to go to bed and he'll turn the lamp on and get up because he forgot his water.

Also, he wakes up with a song in his head almost every morning. I don't get it. I wish it didn't happen. Because he'll start singing it, and all it takes is ONE VERSE of the song and it's in my head for days. DAYS.

And laundry. He's the worst laundry-folder EVER. I love that he takes initiative to fold the laundry when it's just sitting there, because let's be honest, laundry stinks. Figuratively, of course...because it's clean. doy. But when a folded shirt looks like Abigail took it out of the drawer and threw it on the bed, I'm obviously going to refold it. So this is a lose-lose situation for me. Either way, I ended up doing the laundry. I appreciate your efforts, baby. But stop it.

J: Mandi has this strange habit of brewing coffee, pouring a cup, adding cream and sugar and then taking like three sips TOTAL (from the entire pot). I never get it.

It often goes like this:
6.34 AM-wake up. Mandi says, 'Coffee sounds good.'
7.02 AM-coffee brewed. Cup poured. Wait for coffee to cool (3-6 min)
7.06 AM-first sip taken. More cream and sugar added.
7.11 AM-third sip taken. Mandi says, 'I don't want this.' Coffee poured out. Josh dumbfounded.

And one other thing: certain words make her cringe. Words like 'cusp' and 'encumbered' make her gag. Its kind of hilarious. Safe to say that I am often looking to broaden my vocabulary choices to discover new words that make her want to pull off a fingernail. (Just kidding...but seriously).

11. Ways we can improve our marriage?

M: We spend a pretty good amount of our day together. I think if we were a little more intentional and creative about the way we spend our time together, we would really grow as a couple. I'd love to do things in our community together, including the kids. Whether it's taking someone into our home who's homeless, serving at a soup kitchen, or even just picking up trash. Being together is my favorite thing in the entire world, so if we're serving together, it makes it that much better. Also, I think we could improve by putting our phones/computers/ipads away. That's my downfall. I love relationships. I love communicating. I love listening....so I love to text. Plus, I hate that stupid blue light that blinks until you read the message. It drives me bonkers. But I think if we put our phones away once a week we would really benefit from it because we'd get so much more done because we wouldn't be distracted. 

J: My dad always says that the 'twin towers' of a successful marriage are communication and conflict resolution. I think we're a whole lot better than three years ago, but our communication can get better. Quite honestly, I am a selective listener (see Mandi's response to #9). Though it is not explicit communication, I am still sending a message. By not attentively listening, I am communicating that something else deserves my attention. Sometimes patience and time are needed so that we can finish tasks well, but we should also be willing to put down the computer or pause the movie in order to listen well.

12. Most important lesson you've learned in the last 3 years of marriage:

M:  Vows. Our vows weren't made just for July 2, 2011. Our vows were made for every day. And when I vowed to love him unconditionally, I meant it. I have failed at that many times by putting myself above him, but I apologize when I realize it. When I said I'd follow him wherever the Lord calls us, I meant it. And that included moving to Massachusetts. The first year was the hardest because of having our first baby away from family after just getting married, but we were called to go there, so we did. Vows are not an option; they are a commitment forever. Also is that as much as I love our children (which is all of me...), our spouse needs to come first. It's so easy to pay more attention to our children than our spouse some times and care for them more. And it's not that I care for our kids more, I just care for them in a different way. I am constantly reminding myself of this.

J: I'd say its not to lose sight of marriage vows. Marriage is quite effective for pointing out selfish tendencies. But the foundation of a marriage is to serve the other, which then communicates the relationship between Christ and his church. Our marriage vows committed us to mutual submission and service (see Eph 5 and Phil 2.1-11 for biblical support). So if I am not remembering that day and those words, I have lost sight of the purpose and function of our marriage. It is a hard thing and something I often don't do well, but it is something I have learned and I am continuing to learn. The vows of a marriage serve as the vision statement or mission of that marriage.

Happy Anniversary to the kindest and most gentle-hearted man. You make me a better woman.

Mothering 2...

Let me just recap you on some fun facts I've come across as being a mom of two that may just happen to you:

1. You may be singing the ABCs in the car...by yourself...on the way to the grocery store. In 8 different octaves. I hardly know what an octave is, but I gave myself a pat on the back.
2. You may find a yellow crayon tucked in-between dirty laundry as you're throwing the clothes in the washer.
3. You may belt out to "I will always love you" by Whitney Houston while driving in the car alone, because let's face it, that's the best song to play air guitar, air drums, and air microphone to all while driving.

4. You may not shower because frankly, you're not gonna be around people anyway. Who cares.

5. You may have to tell your oldest child, "No, no, baby. We don't shove our fingers down Jack's throat to get him to smile!!" It's a little creepy that Abigail enjoys the pain of others...

"Time + alone" aren't two words used in my vocabulary really. I wake up to babies and I go to sleep to babies. Babies, babies, babies. But I should brag on my guy a little. One Sunday he legitimately kicked me out of our house and said, "Don't come back a minute before 5 PM. And buy yourself something, got that??" So excited to get out of the house alone....I took one step outside and then it hit me...what in the WORLD do I do? I've never experienced such an honor... I went to Target. [Obvi.] I did it! I made it there alone...But the whole time I was looking at baby clothes...I just can't get away from baby things. They're constantly on my mind. I just lovem' so much I wanna eatem' right up! 

Another time I went to the dreaded...dare I say it...Market Basket. [I just got the shakes.] That grocery store gets the best of me, I swear. People have some SERIOUS road rage in those aisles. These Bostonians shop the same way they drive: ludicrous. 

You know you're a mom when your husband says, "Have fun!" when leaving for the grocery store alone...

So I managed to go 6 weeks without getting out of the house alone. And then I thought I should probably try it just for giggles. Honestly, I was terrified to go out with both children alone. Why? Let me tell you just ONE reason. I went to Target a few days ago (shocker?) and thought, "Wow! This is great. My kids are happy and awake. This will be fantastic. Way better than I expected." I park my car and realize I didn't bring the double stroller. Okay, no biggie. His car seat can fit in the cart & Abs can sit in the front of it. Alright, we're all settled, now let's shop...And then my life flashed before my eyes: Jack begins screaming WAILING out of nowhere, which in fact makes Abigail fake cry to manipulate me into taking her out of the car so she can run around. [you bet dang sure I wasn't letting an 18 month old control me] And this is the moment I realized I was a failure that day. No double stroller. No pacifier. No bottle. No carrier. I had to open a pack of pacifiers in the store...and open a pack of gold fish in the store to get both kids settled. Am I even a REAL mom?! How the heck did I walk out of the house thinking I was prepared? And then... I looked down and realized my socks didn't even match. Clearly, I have it all together. Sighhhhhh.

Diapers are everywhere. I mean, EVERYWHERE. Trash can. Bedroom. Bathroom. Kitchen. Abigail's room. Closet. Call us nasty, but next time you wake up at 2 AM to change a diaper, go ahead and try to open your eyes up wide enough to get yourself out of bed, put the baby down, and gently place the dirty diaper in the trash on the other side of the house. Tell me. And if you successfully do it, than I guess you're just a better parent.

"You just get so used to diapers being everywhere that you actually realize you were sleeping on a diaper, not a pillow."

-Josh "the man" Pool. 

There are moments when I feel pretty accomplished though.  One time I was feeling pretty great, because Abs was in her high chair sitting so patiently so I could get dishes done. I decided it'd be brilliant [sarcasm] to give her pudding so she could feed herself. Am I an idiot? Probably. I turn around and she. is. covered. in. pudding. Excuse my really cool quality phone pic.

And whoever said "baby wearing" is so much easier getting things done...is a LIAR. I have to stand 10 feet away from the sink in order to get dishes conquered. And the water ends up splashing on at least one of us. I might as well take the dishes into the shower with me.

Being a mom of two really has been so wonderful. I was so worried about how Abigail would do with my attention needing to be focused on Jack so often, but she has been phenomenal. Surprisingly, this whole "mom thing" is under control (if you disregard the paragraphs above). Abigail is.....freakishly in love with Jack. As in, gets-out-of-the-bath-and-runs-around-the-house-naked-to-find-Jack-and-kiss-him-in-love-with-him. As soon as he wakes up in the morning she screams, "HI DATTTTT!!!!" I love watching them together. Warms my little momma heart.

I'm sure we've had some other really awesome moments (like when they poop in sync...), but this is enough for now.

I can now say I'm ready for baby #3.


psyche.

Jack's Birth Story

I'm not sure where to even start with Jack's birth story.

But here goes nothin.

"They" say that your second baby comes sooner than the first. Technically, "they" were right. Abigail was a week late, so yeah, I was bound to have this little guy sooner. My last two appointments I was told my body was moving right along and I'd most likely have a baby by the weekend of my due date. I don't know about you, but the two words false + hope have never been so real in my life. What mattered the most to me was that my mama would be here for it all--hoping she'd be here a few days prior to the birth so Abs could get settled in. So after my last appointment, we decided it'd be best if she flew in ASAP.

The next day (Wednesday) my mom was here and I was as happy as a clam [but really, what does that phrase even mean?] Of course we went to Target immediately. There's never a reason not to. Heck, I'd give birth in Target if it was sanitary. That place is dabomb.com. We used the excuse of "needing to walk the mall" to get labor started. Did it work? Absolutely not. Was I ready to go back to the mall the next day to try again? YUP.

So day by day, I grew even more pregnant. I walked into the grocery store to grab a few things and the man at the register looks to me while shaking his pointer and says, "Now don't think I'm not gonna charge you for that watermelon you're hiding under your shirt. HAHAHAHA" I responded with a shakey laugh. Okay, let's just go ahead and talk about some of the AWESOME things that people said to me while pregnant:

• Someone asked me how far along I was. I told her 27 weeks. She replied with, "No offense but...I was that big at 9 months when I gave birth!! Did your mom gain that much when she was pregnant?" #supportive #butnotreally
• A man greeted me and then said, my goodness you're getting HUGE!! ....And then he smiled. As if the smile made the statement sweeter.
• When I was about 24 weeks someone said, "There's NO WAY you're making it to April with that belly." I still had 16 more weeks of pregnancy...16. That's 4 more months. 1/3 of a year.
• And then there's... Abigail... I asked her to go find her ball. She walks up to me and lifts my shirt up. I forgave her. 

None of it actually got to me, I laughed at every one of them, mainly in disbelief. DON'T PEOPLE KNOW PREGNANT WOMEN HAVE CRAZY HORMONES??? Yeesh, I'm sweating just writing this. 

Anyway, we tried planning something every day to keep my mind off of this whole "labor thing." We had a family picnic on Saturday because it was FINALLY beautiful outside! Sunday we walked for miles and miles, no seriously.

Sunday was my due date. Yeah people, I know. It's just an estimated date. I get that. But where in the world was my little Jack? My friend said my babies come out late because they're probably scared for their dear life from all of the "labor starters" I tried. :) Maybe so, but my patience was running on a very thiiiiiiin line. Ya'll. I. tried. it. all. Josh and I would run up hills together. I baked labor cookies. I bounced on a yoga ball for 6 weeks. I ate dinner on that thing. I put my makeup on while bouncing. (Don't try this at home, kids.) I crawled around like a cat to get him to drop more. I walked around Walmart with my mama and did 4 sets of 10 squats. I chased a toddler around. I walked miles and miles. Josh made me jump after every third step..1..2..3..JUMP. #lifecoachyall No worries, we looked like fools together. He jumped with me. :) I scarfed pineapple down like it was the last thing on the planet. I ate scoops and scoops of hot sauce from Chipotle. I drank red raspberry leaf tea. And last, but surely not least, Castor Oil. That's right. I gave in. I became a hypocrite that day.  I took it the day after my due date. I didn't even take the bare minimum. I was scared...like...shaking-in-my-boots-scared. Nothing happened...So I took a little more later that night...Yep. I was scared to go to bed that night. As much as I wanted to go into labor, I did NOT want to be in pain the way I was with Abigail after taking that. Uh-UH. Woke up the next morning in NO pain. Whaaaaat?? Fine. So I took more. Did it do anything? No. Why? Because my baby was scared to come into the world.  So I gave up on that junk.

I had an ultrasound that Monday. "Baby looks perfect! Based on measurements, He's weighing about 8 pounds, 9 ounces." Oh, Lord, please no. Abigail was only 7 pounds, 7 ounces. The next day I had an appointment...and this is where the week got crazy. I won't go into too much detail, but my doctor wasn't available, so I had to see a different doctor. I knew this was going to happen...but I tried staying positive anyway. The doctor came in and said, "Let's get labor started so you'll have this baby today!" After checking me, she said it wasn't possible and I wasn't dilated at all. MKAY. How in the world was I the past two weeks, but not anymore? #theperksofadifferentdoctor #psyche Anyway, as she told us we just needed to wait it out, I burst into tears. My mom had already been here for a week, and she only had one week left. If I had to wait it out, It was likely that she wouldn't even be here for the birth. I was completely overwhelmed in the split of a second. So she decided to have me go back to the hospital later that day and take a pill to get things started. Long story short (#thisisthelongestshortstoryever #andthelongesthashtag), the midwife said there was no need to take it and I could be induced tomorrow. She agreed with my original doctor that I WAS dilated that same amount she had said. So Josh & I were feeling a lot more confident that Jack would be here SOON. So we went home, rested, and then my mom watched Abs while Josh took me out on our last date. #littledidweknow... Our waitress was surprised to find out I was being induced the next day. She encouraged us by saying she has two children and the second came in 4 pushes. Whew, what a relief. Maybe the process would go quick and we'd have our baby in our arms sooner than we think!....And Wednesday happened. We woke up, showered, went to the hospital, began the induction process, and stayed from 7 AM- 7:30 PM. It was really awesome. #sarcasm. My IV was put in and it was entirely too uncomfortable. I told ole' Gail it hurt and she said it shouldn't be. I have a massive bruise on my forearm right now...Gail. More like Fail.

As we were about to leave the hospital (because my body wasn't progressing the way it should), my nurse from when I delivered Abigail was there. She came in the room and was so apologetic to us and said to just relax and come in Friday. The nurses gave us an option to come in on Thursday, but the week was so draining, we needed a day off.

So Friday came. Good Friday. My alarm went off at 5:45 to take a shower and start getting ready before needing to go in at 7:30. I got a call at 6 AM saying there was no room in the Inn for us. Are ya kidding me. This gave me more time to reflect on what the day really was about. It wasn't about me. It was about Jesus Christ.

"He himself bore our sins in his body on the tree, that we might die to sin and live to righteousness. By his wounds you have been healed." -1 Peter 2:24. 

Josh and I went in to the hospital at 1:00...and of course we get in and they said there was an emergency and we needed to come back in 30 minutes. So we walked to the cafeteria and played 20 questions. Call us lame. Go ahead, dare ya.

We went back to check in, and the process began. And guess WHAT. The nurse who delivered Abigail was on staff and put in my room!

I was not allowed to eat anything from this point on until after I had a baby in my arms. Thankfully I was able to come to the hospital later in the day, so you betta BELIEVE I ate til I couldn't move. For breakfast I had a cinnamon roll (okay...two), juice, and potato salad. Not a typo. When you're pregnant and you're hungry, it just doesn't matter. It just doesn't. I was SO hungry just sitting there waiting. I looked down to find the brand name of my contraction monitor was TOCO. For real? I'm starving over here and now all I can't think of is tacos. Mean. So, so mean. So While I'm drooling over my monitor, Josh comes back in the room with food for Abigail. I asked where his was, and he said he felt bad eating in front of me, so he shoved a PHILLY CHEESE STEAK down on his way from the cafeteria to the delivery room. It was really...thoughtful...but I still had to watch Abigail eat. Sighhhh. I got to order clear liquids: Chicken broth, popsicles, italian ice, water, and cranberry juice. I mean, seriously, LUCKY ME. I think Josh was pretty jealous of my food selection. I mean, this was like hunger games. I would KILL for some Chipotle right now. Or Mcdonalds. Or Panera Bread. Or anything except onions.

So time went by, and I started to get a little more uncomfortable from the contractions. I hadn't had my epidural yet, but I wasn't in any pain. I got to roll around on the yoga ball, as if I hadn't done THAT enough over the past 6 weeks.

As Josh & I waited for things to progress, he studied for finals and I took advantage of the quiet time (before my world was about to get rocked with 2 not-so-quiet children) to write in my journal. I flipped open to the last page I had written in. Clearly my life has been busy because the last entry I wrote was August 6th of last year. And then the coolest thing happened. I read over what I wrote that day, and I wrote about how we had just found out I was pregnant and in complete desperation for God to provide. I wrote a list of 5 things we needed as a family of 4, and literally every thing listed we were given. I found this verse written down next to it, "May we shout for joy over your salvation, and in the name of our God set up our banners. May the Lord fill all your petitions." Psalm 20:5

It was incredible to have my last journal entry written the day I found out I was pregnant and now reading it my last day of pregnancy. Seeing the Lord's provision just in 40 weeks made me so grateful--to know I serve a God who cares to provide for His children--who is FAITHFUL. And what a day for me to recognize it--on Good Friday!

I was still waiting to be checked because the new shift change came and a different doctor was on staff. They decided to let me get the epidural before checking me because my contractions on the monitor were consistent. The anesthesiologist was something else, that one. He had some dry humor. It was the kind of humor where you don't know if you should laugh or if he's actually serious. Anyway, I cried like a baby. Josh warned him how ticklish I am, but I'm not sure he knew how serious Josh was...until his finger touched my back and I jumped so high, Jack about fell out.

Five minutes later, I was feelin' G-double o-D, good. My legs were like jello. So now things were getting real. All that was left was to break my water and welcome my sweet boy into the world. The doc came in and I was only at 5 cm. Yikes. He broke my water and there was a loud POP! Two hours went by, they checked me, and said it was time to push. Whattttt?? I wasn't ready for that! Oh my gosh. I'm not exactly sure what Josh was feeling at this point, but I got butterflies in my stomach immediately....or maybe it was just hunger pains. My doctor and nurses were SO great. It was such a good experience. We laughed our way through pushing. The doctor and nurses were having normal conversations during it...talking about cheesecake and cookies...my goodness. They knew I was hungry! My nurse let me order food before I even started pushing. And yeah, I did order 2 turkey sandwiches, okay? One for me and the other for...me. :) Anyway, this was the quickest 25 minutes ever. Watching Josh during this time was so special too. It made me tear up. He held my hand and coached me on breathing. And then he said, "I can see him! He's almost here!"

Next thing you know, the doctor is saying, "good, good, GOOD! One more push!!" And that's when our lives changed (again). 9:55 our sweet Jack graced us with his linebacker 9 lb 7 oz body.

Text from my mama

Dreaming of Chipotle.

WOWZA. Big boy! 

Daddy cutting the chord! 

                         

LOVE.

My handsome little Jack.

Wittle Baby Wegs

So sweet. So special. 

Opening her Big Sister gifts :)

And then this happened. 

April 18, 2014, Jack Abel Pool came into the world. One of the most special days ever--a day we celebrate the death of Jesus Christ and the birth of Jack Pool. I love the significance of this day. 

How sweet it is to be loved by you. :)