Unbelievable because I have 10 weeks left.
Unbelievable because there is a human developing inside me [like....RIGHT NOW]
Unbelievable because Abigail is going to be a big sister.
Unbelievable because we are about to be a family of
Unbelievable because .....
The other day I was reminiscing on life since I met Josh. Here's our timeline:
We met when I was 19 (2009)
We started dating when I was 20 (2010...#obviously)
We got engaged when I was 21 (2010)
We got married when I was 22 (2011)
We had Abigail when I was 23 (2012)
We will have our second baby very soon... at 24. (2014)
WHAT THE.
So there we have it. Our life in the making. Every year seems to be a new event. I can only imagine what the big 2-5 will bring. #Lordhavemercyonme
We are so so excited to be a growing family! I want to tell ya I want a break, but it's been so fun to see the way God has consistently blessed us since Josh & I have met.
Now for realz...
Every week I look forward to Sunday because that's my "new preggo week." But now I'm in the 30s. And that. is. freaky. I'll just lay it out for you: I am SO incredibly nervous. Not nervous to be a mom of two, but nervous for when labor begins. I have no idea why. I am so anxious. This is so silly, but my two biggest fears are 1) dying in a car accident 2) dying during childbirth. I don't know why. I don't even know anyone personally that has died in a car accident or died giving birth. I'll take you back on memory lane: In the middle of giving birth to Abs, they all of a sudden grabbed an oxygen mask and put it on me. It took all but three seconds...and in those three seconds, I legitimately thought I was dying. #youcanlaugh. I thought they were putting the mask on me because my heart rate and blood pressure were dropping. They didn't tell me anything...they just put it on and I had to pretend like I was fine.
BUT here I am today...10 weeks from Round 2.
I wasn't nervous for having Abigail at all. I think because I ended up being induced that I am anxious for if my body legitimately goes into labor. (if you ask me, I did go into labor with Abigail and the nurses were just insane in the membrane) I'm nervous right now because I don't have a set time on when to tell my mama when to fly up. I'm nervous because Josh has finals a week and a half after our baby boy is due. And most of all I'm nervous because Abigail won't be with us. It makes me so sad. Truth: I'm crying right now. Not the hyperventalating-I-need-a-bag-to-breathe-in-cry, but the eyes-welling-up-with-water-I-can't-see-very-well-cry.
The longest I've ever been away from her is 8 hours. Eight.
I know I'll be wrapped in the moment of having our little guy here with us and I'll be extremely exhausted, but I am so sad I won't have her by my side. I mean, we spend every moment together. Heck, I eat her food if she doesn't like it. I play hide-n-seek behind the curtains with her. We give each other piggy back rides (she's got a strong back to hold a pregnant woman). We point and laugh at each other. We watch Micky Mouse together. We slow dance together. We take goofy pictures together. We talk in gibberish together. We blow kisses to each other. We walk around the coffee table until she is bored. We are working on a secret handshake together. We do everything together. It all seems so silly, but it's so special.
I know, I know. We'll only be at the hospital for, God willing, two days. She'll visit. But it's not the same. We won't be able to put her to sleep. We won't be able to feed her. We won't be able to read "Moo, Baa, La La La" 9 times in a row together.
I think what scares me the most is that Josh & I's attention is going to be so focused on our new little joy, that we won't be able to pay as much attention to Abigail. And I don't like even the thought of that. What if my mom takes care of Abigail and all she wants is me? I can't do anything about it.
And the thought of having another baby...how can I love him the same? I sometimes tear up when Abigail smiles or laughs because it makes me weak. I love her so much. Josh and I either go in her room every night after she goes to bed or look at her on the monitor and talk about how precious she is. Seriously, every night. We were just talking a few nights ago about how we always seem to talk about how amazing she is before we go to sleep. But for real, if you have more than one child, give me some advice. Because I'm so scared. I'm scared I won't love him the same. I'm scared I won't be able to balance my attention on them. I'm scared of Abigail becoming jealous when I have to feed him or hold him tight from crying.
SO. All this to say, I need your prayers.
Prayers for comfort, strength, joy, and peace. And most of all, I want my labor & delivery to be moments full of focusing on Christ.
Psalm 46:1-2
"God is our refuge and strength, an ever-present help in trouble. Therefore we will not fear..."
Prayer: Lord, You are the only ever-present one. Thank you for being with us during labor and delivery. I will not fear.
Psalm 139:14
"I praise you because I am fearfully and wonderfully made..."
Prayer: Lord, You made me. You have created me to carry and deliver children.Thank you for making me i such a wonderful fashion.
Gift from God
I give thanks to You alone
Who sits on the throne
To loan me this precious gift
And to call it my own.
May I always see, Lord
In every waking hour,
Your majesty and grace
In this delicate flower.
Help me, O God
To guide and preserve,
This wonderful blessing
to love and to serve.
-Doran Richards
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